Myrah's Hope
by mayakasti
Summary: What if Myrah did not trust that Rudra would let go of his Paro memories and decided to go through with the wedding. What if Rudra came back during the wedding festivities but could not stop her. What if once again he had to face the loss of his love for the second time? Will Rudra be able to let go, to go on with his life? Will Myrah finally hope for happiness?


**Summary: What if Myrah did not trust that Rudra would let go of his Paro memories and decided to go through with the wedding. What if Rudra came back during the wedding festivities but could not stop her. What if once again he had to face the loss of his love for the second time? Will Rudra be able to let go, to go on with his life?**

 **December 2015 … New York**

She woke up once soaked in sweat though the temperature outside was below zero; her heart beating very hard, her breathing has yet to settle down after yet another nightmare. Her nightmares are not getting worse, they are always the same, Rudra's eyes haunting her, questioning her for leaving him, for choosing her mind over her heart, his lips trembling begging her to reconsider promising her that his love is true. But what made this reoccurring dream a nightmare is the disappointed look of Dhruv.

She tried to keep in touch with Dhruv as promised through video messages but found after six months that it is impossible to keep the communication lines open when Dhruv though he understood that she was not his mom, he felt betrayed and felt the pain of his father and refused to answer her calls, and video messages.

Kohel told her in no uncertain terms that Dhruv couldn't be her friend since Rudra is sad now.

Her only connection with the Ranawat family was Maithili, her jija. Maithili could not shut Myrah and stay away, after all Samrat and Maithili owed their happiness to Myrah when she helped them get their baby through the adoption agency. However Maithili drew the line where Rudra is concerned. She would not discuss Rudra with Myrah at all.

She spoke to her about Rajistan, their life, her Sasoma, her baby girl, Kohel , Somer , and chatabdi but never about Rudra , as if Rudra did not exist and did not factor into their day-to-day life.

It has been a long time, 18 months since her wedding. Her family welcomed the Bride and Groom with open arms and celebrated their recent marriage with extravaganza. A Wedding Reception at an elite 5 star hotel with over 300 guests congratulating the Groom and offering their best wishes to the happy Bride. Yes the Happy Bride, because throughout the three hour reception Myrah plastered a smile on her face, a smile that did not reach her eyes, but nobody noticed. Not her loving mother nor her father, not even her husband or this is what she thought. Until she reached their apartment overlooking central park, Rohit was the loving attentive husband, but the minute she stepped through the door, he held her arm forcefully and reminded her that he is her husband now that she chose him and that until she get act together he would make their life a living hell.

Myrah was far from being a weak soul, she would not bend to blackmail nor threats, but her heart was broken into million pieces and had no fight left in her. She knew the minute she said I do, that she made the wrong choice. Regret set from within her but there was no going back now. She made that choice and decided to live with it.

She tried the first couple of months, she tried hard to make it work, and was able to somehow to fake happiness till she herself believed it. But Rudra's eyes haunted her at night. Rudra's words from the past about seeing his face whenever she looked into the mirror made her hate looking at her own face.

"Myrah…. Where are you ?" Rohit got up from the bed looking for her. Though he knew where to find her. Always by the window her back to the glass and facing the fire. Her eyes would hurt from the heat of the fire and would dry her tears faster than any trick she had tried.

Though they have been married for 18 months , Rohit and Myrah have yet to consummate their marriage. At first it was Rohit who was disgusted with the fact that Myrah was in love with someone else, but then it was Myrah who refused him saying that she still see him as her childhood friend and that she needed more time. When Dhruv stopped answering her calls and she lost hope, she decided to try to make her marriage work but found out that Rohit was not celibate and in fact was cheating on her. Not sure she could call it cheating since Rohit , according to her was her roommate and not her husband.

Tonight as she looked at the fire, something ignited inside her. Why was she accepting this life. This is so not her. She is a doer, why is she in the corner trying not to cry over her gloom destiny when she has the chance to change it. Whether she finds her way back to Rudra or not, her life cannot go on like this. And there she decided to face her past, her present and get ready for the future.

"Rohit …. We need to talk" Myrah whispered to herself but the silence of the night carried her whisper to Rohit's ears and he placed himself on the couch facing her holding a glass of Brandy in his hand.

" Myrah, What is it now?" Rohit said harshly

"Rohit, we cannot avoid this conversation any longer, I know you are not happy with this marriage …" Before she could continue Rohit threw the glass hitting the wall across from her , got up towering over her screaming

"What ? I am not happy …. Now you want to break us up because you are so concerned that I am not happy, Myrah for once take responsibility"

it was her turn to cut him off now, she bowed her head but kept her voice clear " I am taking responsibility, I am telling you that you are not happy because I cannot make you happy. I have nothing to offer you. I am a shell of a person. And I need out"

Rohit sensing the seriousness in her tone could not help but sigh " Aghhh, Are you going back to him ?" Rohit asked knowing fully that she know whom he was talking about.

"No Rohit, it is not about him. It is not about anybody but you and me, I know Rohit about your special friend, and I cannot for the life of me really blame you here but I am tired of searching everyday trying to find a glimpse of me and not being able to. I lost me Rohit, and I don't want to ask you if I meant anything to you, but I am asking you if our past friendship meant anything, anything at all to you, you need to let me go. I am not going back to him; in face I am not going anywhere. I am staying in New York but I need to find me first"

"And then what, you find yourself and then find him" Rohit said sarcastically

"No Rohit, I beg you to understand, this whatever this is cannot go on. I want out, I need out and it has nothing to do with anyone but me. And I am sorry, I am truly sorry for everything and I don't expect you to forgive me Rohit, nor am I asking for forgiveness, because I cannot forgive you as well"

"Me! You cannot forgive me? For what? For cheating on you when we did not even kiss once since we have been married" Rohit's was getting agitated now

"No Rohit, I cannot forgive you for betraying our friendship, I cannot forgive you for the fact that you knew I did not love you like that, for the fact that you knew that I was losing myself and watched me break everyday without helping me to pick up the pieces. You were my friend first Rohit and I believe we lost that as well the minute you lied when you said you loved me out of spite and jealousy"

"Stop Myrah, just stop right there, I did love you, I did not lie" Rohit reassured.

"And how long did that love last" Myrah questioned. " I will tell you I know it lasted 2 weeks, 2 weeks before you slept with Tara from your office" Myrah continued.

Rohit went to get another glass of Brandy but decided against it. He rather went close to Myrah, helped her up from her seating position on the floor. While confused Myrah could not anticipate Rohit's next move but he shocked her when his eyes turned icy and he dragged her by the arm to the front door telling her that if she wanted out, she is free to go now. Out in the cold in her pajamas and slippers and to not return back.

She tried to speak, she tried to fight back, to remind him that the apartment was hers but as soon as she gathered her strength she found herself outside the apartment facing the closed door.

She contemplated knocking on the door and then knocking some sense into Rohit, but she knew he would not answer. He was not mean but the hurt between them is too much to repair now and maybe when morning comes she could figure it out.

She knew she could not leave the building dressed like this in the cold. So she thanked her God for having her phone on her 24/7 in the hope of receiving a message from Dhruv should he have change of heart. She held the phone to her ear called a cab to drop her to the only place she considered at this hour.

 **A/N : Where did Myrah go ? Stay tuned to find out . Please note that English is not my first language , you are bound to find Grammar mistakes , spelling and other sentence structure disorder. I would appreciate your comments and constructive criticism.**

Thank you


End file.
